For much of my life, I didn't have the language to understand why some things felt harder, why I noticed things other people didn't, or why I sometimes experienced the world differently. I only came to understand my own neurodivergence later in life, after becoming a mother to children with neurodivergence. My decision to become a counsellor was strongly influenced by this lived experience. I wanted to develop the knowledge and skills to support people while also understanding what it can feel like to move through a world that doesn't always fit the way your brain works.

This has shaped the way I work.

Curiosity before intervention

When I work with a neurodivergent child, young person or family, I don't want my first question to be about changing anyone's behaviour. I am more interested in what has informed the behaviour. All behaviours serve a purpose and are a form of communication. This doesn't mean that every behaviour is okay or that boundaries don't matter. It means we need to understand what is happening before deciding what to do about it.

Understand the person

A diagnosis gives us useful information, but it doesn't tell us who someone is. I am more interested in learning the person, what matters to them, what experiences have shaped their life and their identity. I want to understand their interests, strengths, relationships, communication style, sensory needs, experiences and what matters to them. I also want to understand the family around them. Every person brings their own history and experiences into counselling. Every family has its own dynamics, pressures and strengths. There is no one intervention that works for every neurodivergent person.

Understand the environment

Sometimes the problem isn't the person, because often the environment and people around them are asking too much. Or asking the wrong question. We can often make more progress by changing the environment or reducing unnecessary demands than by expecting the person to keep adapting. This is why I often look at things such as sensory needs, executive functioning, emotional regulation, sleep, relationships, school and developmental capacity before deciding what support is needed.

Then choose the intervention

Once we have a better understanding of the person and what is happening around them, we can start thinking about strategies. That might mean reducing demands, changing expectations, using visual supports, building in movement or sensory breaks, supporting co regulation, changing communication, using a person's interests or working collaboratively to solve a problem. Sometimes the intervention is helping the child and sometimes it is helping the parent understand what is happening. Teaching the parents to not see their child's behaviour as a reflection of their abilities and to stay curious about learning their child without expectations. Sometimes it is changing something in the environment. And sometimes it is recognising that the goal itself needs to change. I don't believe the goal of supporting a neurodivergent person should be to make them appear more neurotypical. The goal is to help them understand themselves, recognise their strengths, build useful skills and feel more confident navigating the world around them.

Connection matters

I want people to feel understood before they feel like they need to change. I want children and young people to know that counselling isn't another place where they will be told everything they are doing wrong. I want parents to feel supported rather than judged. And I want to remain curious. Because when we slow down and ask better questions, behaviour often starts to make sense.

Understand the person.
Understand their world.
Understand the function.
Then choose the intervention.

That is what I mean by curiosity before intervention.